i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
