you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
