I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk is not a location!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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