yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
