Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
