Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
