Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ladies don't puke and tell
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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