She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My penis needs a shock collar
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
