did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
