thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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