Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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