some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
