found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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