I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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