At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
