This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
