My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
