You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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