I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
