The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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