You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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