just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
