epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
