He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
