i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
