Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
