On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
