She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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