I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
