I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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