Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
