I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Randomize
