Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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