Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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