He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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