I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
