I wish my penis had an off switch
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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