there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
