Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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