wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
