Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
