Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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