I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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