Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
only if we run a train.
done.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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