I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
