yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
