I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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