My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
