She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
