she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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