tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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