he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
