her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
